Moral of the story: In life, no one helps you once you're screwed.SIMPLE TRUTH #2When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch the stomach and say, "Congrats".But, none of them come and touch the man's penis and say, "Good job".Moral of the story: "Hard work is never appreciated."the Five Rules to Remember in Life1. Money cannot buy happiness, but it's more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than on a bicycle.2. Forgive your enemy, but remember the ass-hole's name.3. If you help someone when they're in trouble, they will remember you when they're in trouble again.4. Many people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them.5. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk.AND A BONUS RULE:6. Condoms do not guarantee safe sex;A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband!This one is compliments of johnRamblings of a Retired MindI found this timely, because today I was in a store that sells sunglasses, and only sunglasses. A young lady. Quickly, I set my beer down and said, "Lemme look at it." Don't worry," Candy said glumly. "We'll get a contractor in come Monday." That's two days away," I arched an eyebrow. "Really, just lemme look at it." Let him look," Adrienne piped up and then gave her friend a saucy grin. "Even buzzed, Ben's all the handyman you need."After unplugging the unit and getting up on a ladder, I popped the casing on the big rectangular heater and poked around, finding the culprit almost immediately. A wire had come loose and was shorting across the heating element. I hopped back into the house and hunted around for some electrical tape, then returned and re-twisted the wire into position and taped it down. Less than five minutes after the heater conked out, I closed the casing and fired her up. A bright orange glow immediately emanated from the heating coils and I stepped back with a satisfied smile on my face."Wow, Ben! You really are handy!" Candy exclaimed with a delighted smile on her face as.
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